After her first big light body opening
Her spine started to grow taller and taller, her neck elongated, her energy field expanded opened
And yet if only it were that easy
But no. She also felt all the contortions of every single tight moment she had hurt or grieved. Every tight moment locked into her body, her posture, her spine, crippling her flow, hunched or curled tight into a ball
And little by little every single one of those moments of contortion, every thought, every distorted emotion had to be felt. Sometimes as if feeling it for the first time because it had been hidden away so very deep for so long
So there was much to wade through and yet at moments, once again, she would come back to that beautiful feeling of her light body expanding open her heart, her spine stretching, growing to open, free, dancing
But before she knew it, she was back feeling the pains of contortion
Or she would sink in to those contortions, lost in living life locked through the lense of those pains, those thoughts & feelings, living life from there again as she had been for so very long
Then moments of waking. Waking from that illusion she had been locked into.
Opening, dancing, expanding, flying, rising. and also opening into a deep peace and stillness of calm within.
But all those habits that correlated with the old tight ways of feeling, the misshapen ways of thinking, the habits, the foods, the company, the lifestyle, it didn't fit, it couldn't work, they had to go too
Sometimes she got cross with herself, as she kept on falling back into seeing from that mental lense and closing back into emotional postural knots
Other times it was just so easy to fly free and stand tall
But if she felt it was easy, too easy, then she would trip and fall again, often without even realising
Gradually she found the things that helped her to both hold and ground it, breathing, meditation, herbs, mindfulness, visual journeying, energy ray and light activations
And so she realised it had to be little by little, step by step, very very gentle, or it would be too much at once, would be too destructive
And so step by step, gradually, slowly slowly
She started to open her heart and stretch her spine open and out
And along the way yes indeed she felt every single grief, every single pain, every single nuanced thought, and all the devastations of human existence, and along with that at times such loneliness, for she found she needed time alone, with no distractions, or just because nothing out there fit anymore
And so at times it was much easier to stay lost in the dream and go back to that
But she realised that that in itself was not an option anymore, and even harder. And anyway something would always come along to shake her awake
So she realised it was better to keep on walking each step
And she realised, as the spine slowly unfurled, the more she stayed with it, the longer it could stay like that, not in a high vibe huge joy way, in a much more grounded and real way of peace and deeper calm stability
and so it was she saw how every single painful contortion was an illusion, it was a trick. Every single time she had bought into the illusion that she was powerless, or believed that she was wrong, or that something was wrong with her, or that she was not like others, was just a trick all along. She started to see how the illusion was that there was nothing wrong with her. It was the contortion that was wrong but she was not that contortion, that was just something she had taken on, a mask
And again she kept on breathing, kept on journeying, kept on removing that mask
And so it was that she started to gradually open the heart even more, stretch up and open her spine, elongate her neck and crown
And so it was, that bit by bit, her light body expanded
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